He's spent weeks, months, with enough light aether to kill anyone else swirling around inside him. He's fallen to the absolute depths of hopelessness, was ready to sacrifice himself not for any hope of victory or redemption, but just to give his friends more time to kill him, to figure out some kind of alternate plan. He's had to kill Emet-Selch and he's never wanted to do anything less, though he's not even fully sure why he's more conflicted about that than the other Ascians, just that he is. Maybe it's simply because he hadn't known, when he was killing Lahabrea, the gravity of what he did, the difference in Sundered and Unsundered.
But there's also something about Emet-Selch that reminded him of Phillip and he hasn't fully figured out what that is or was, yet, and so it just itches under his skin, just out of reach.
It's too much for one man, any man, but there's been no help and no choice for it and the cracks through him haven't just been to let the light out, not for a while now. Safe, home, here, he finally just comes apart, and the force of it is too much for him to get words out for a long series of minutes.
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He's spent weeks, months, with enough light aether to kill anyone else swirling around inside him. He's fallen to the absolute depths of hopelessness, was ready to sacrifice himself not for any hope of victory or redemption, but just to give his friends more time to kill him, to figure out some kind of alternate plan. He's had to kill Emet-Selch and he's never wanted to do anything less, though he's not even fully sure why he's more conflicted about that than the other Ascians, just that he is. Maybe it's simply because he hadn't known, when he was killing Lahabrea, the gravity of what he did, the difference in Sundered and Unsundered.
But there's also something about Emet-Selch that reminded him of Phillip and he hasn't fully figured out what that is or was, yet, and so it just itches under his skin, just out of reach.
It's too much for one man, any man, but there's been no help and no choice for it and the cracks through him haven't just been to let the light out, not for a while now. Safe, home, here, he finally just comes apart, and the force of it is too much for him to get words out for a long series of minutes.